First off let me say that I genuinely sympathize with guys and how hard dating must be for you. It’s up to you to approach the girl, its up to you to lean in for the first kiss, its up to you to take your time, but know the signals that its okay to push forward to second base, and then know when its time to go all the way, and then the most intimidating of them all, know how to deal with us once we have given it up and are panicking that you think we’re a whore. I don’t think I could do what you guys do. I know that when that first kiss is about to happen, I am a total wreck. I’m fumbling, I’m laughing when clearly nothing funny happened, I’m fidgeting, I’m pretending to look for something in my purse in order to buy you time to make your move because we’re in my driveway and I don’t know if I’m supposed to get out of the car or start leaning towards you. So, its fucking nerve wracking. We’ve established that. And I applaud you for being the one who puts himself out there first, with the possibility of rejection hovering over you with every conversation you start.

Now, for a little constructive criticism.

I would say nine times out of ten when a guy asks me out, he does not give me a choice in the matter. Ya know, we are in a group, its a bit loud, we have to stand close to talk, somehow the two of us have gravitated to each other, shut the rest of the group out a bit, they nod at us in recognition to leave us alone and let us fall in love. But here’s the thing, this has lasted maybe six minutes, I have no idea if I like you yet. Of course knowing that I have a vagina, you know you like me enough for tonight at least. But I take pride in who I give my number to. I lose sleep over the thought that there are fifteen guys trolling around LA being like, “Oh Erin? Yeah she gave me her number, she wants it.” “No shit, me too!”. Ugh. But here’s the thing, I’m not a bitch. I don’t wish to make you feel like an ass in front of your friends, I’m sure you are fantastic. But I don’t like feeling bullied into something. Girls don’t like to be bullied. Most of us got bullied into losing our virginity and that didn’t go well. We like to please. We like to accommodate. We like to be liked.

When you approach us with, “Well let’s go out sometime, gimme your number..” And you take out your blackberry to punch it in, we have no time to figure out what to do! I don’t want to give you my number, you made that comment about how sometimes you just love to go dancing at clubs, and how the swine flu couldn’t keep you from going on your 6am morning run. I mean, this would never work. And now I’m panicking because I’m way too much of a pussy to say, ” ya know, I’m really just not interested”. Because then you would hate me, and I can’t handle you seeing me in a negative light. I can’t say I have a boyfriend because I should have mentioned it before talking to you away from your friends for six minutes while letting you glance at my chest momentarily while you thought I wasn’t looking. And I can’t give you a fake number because that’s tacky, and you’re friends with my brother in law so you have ways of finding me and punishing me. So, when my options are seeming dismal and the longer I pause the more I have to explain why I’m pausing, I just go ahead and give it to you.

Well, now I feel like a real loser. I am a grown woman who couldn’t figure out how to say thanks but no thanks. Now I’m leading this person to believe I am anxiously awaiting a text from him. What does he know? It’s not his fault. He assumes if I gave him my number then I obviously want him to call me. No one wins here. This whole scenario has been the source of a lot of anxiety when I’m out in the world interacting with you dudes and your whole, GIMME YOUR NUMBER! Like you’re saying, GIMME YOUR WALLET!! Okay okay, i’m sorry! Take it! I’ll just get another phone!

However, recently I experienced a new tactic. I was at a restaurant with my girlfriend, waiting for our table to be ready. We sat at the bar and ordered a drink. This guy was sitting nearby and kept glancing over and smiling. I smiled back, continued my conversation. Now, immediately I knew this guy was not my type. Nothing wrong with him, totally handsome, just not my guy. I wont get into my type right now because its depressing. Anyway, he gets his bill and walks up to me. He says, “hi. I have to leave now, but i think you are beautiful, amazing..bla bla ( i really enjoyed this part) and I don’t know if you are seeing someone or what, but my name is **** and here is my number. I’d love to take you out some time”. And then he left. It was the most stress free experience in dating I had ever had!! I was so impressed with his confidence and his laid back approach to the game, with putting the ball in my court knowing that if I liked what I saw then I would call or text him. And let me tell you, I have NO problem sending a cute text first if I like the guy. So it really made me think that this is a tactic guys everywhere should be using. I mean, its not like guys want a girl to give their number when they aren’t interested. No one wants that. Cool off and give us a choice!! We like choices. We like options. We like to know we aren’t always at the mercy of you deciding to text us or not.

So, take a step back. We’ll probably step towards you. Of course in this specific case I used the piece of paper with his number on it for my chewed gum and never called him. But I definitely would have if he were my type!!! Seriously.

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