Ya know when…

You see a picture of your ex and they look awful and you get so happy because they’re clearly a loser now, but then you get worried because you realize they might have looked like that when you were together?

You’re driving and see someone in the corner of your eye trying to get into your lane and you just pretend you don’t see them?

You have an intense moment with a stranger across the room, where your energy just connects and it feels like fate put you in the same place, and then he comes up and asks your friend for her number?

A guy thinks it’s funny to stand naked in front of you and fart, and suddenly you never want to see him ever again?

Girls wear those clear rubber bra straps thinking they’re invisible when really they’re not only very visible, but they push the shoulder fat out for everyone to see?

The phone rings at 9:45am and you’re asleep and ashamed to admit it so you answer the phone in a loud and forced voice trying to sound like you’ve been awake for hours, and the first thing the person says is, “Sorry, did I wake you?”

You’re lying on your floor listening to Taylor Swift’s new record and a guy calls and asks what you’re up to and you say you’re watching Sports Center?

You innocently say that your neck hurts and everyone looks at you like you’ve been giving blow jobs all night?

You ask someone their opinion of what to do, and you really don’t like their answer so you just pretend you never asked and do what you wanted to do in the first place?

You’re in an elevator and someone runs to catch it and you smile at them while pushing the “DOORS OPEN” button, but what they can’t see is that you’re pushing the “DOORS CLOSE” button?

Advertisements