So, we’re on our first date. We’re in the booth at The Roger Room. Okay, let me find my groove again here and get back to this place with you…
So, part of my type is that I like a guy who is a little tortured. Awkward. A little shy. Wears his emotions on his sleeve. Says something bold and then gets a bit embarrassed that he said it out loud. It makes me feel like we’re two kids together trying to figure this thing out the best we can. However, there is a catch to this introverted soul I love so much. When the time comes I need him to be a man. When it’s time to order our drinks, don’t worry about what I’m getting. Certainly don’t copy me! Be in charge, make decisions easily. So, that being said, cliche musician executed it perfectly. He was able to be self conscious while still managing to open my door, order us drinks, and pay for everything. Maybe my expectations are unrealistic, but I like a little bit of both. So, he was making all the right moves. And apparently so was I because every joke got a laugh, every pause got a smile, every movement got a squint in his eye. Now, a few times he made the faux pas of unnecessary name dropping. Look, I guess its hard when you live in Los Angeles to not let a few slip out at times, but at least make it relevant to the conversation. He did not. It was basically like a, “Oh, do you know so and so? No? Oh, he’s a good friend of mine… anyway, what were you saying?” Ugh. But whatever, I ignored it. This is my soul mate, he’s allowed to make a mistake, he’s human! Give him a break.

We closed the place down. And when we cleared out after the lights had come on, we stood on the sidewalk for another hour. He leaned his back on his car while I stood in front of him with one foot crossed over the other, hoping my nose wasn’t getting red from the 3am cold LA breeze. And finally we kissed. He pulled me into him, and people walking passed made whistles at us. We didn’t care. The kissing was perfect. Its hard to say what consists of a good kisser, it’s all about your rhythms matching up. And ours did. I finally peeled myself away from him when it was approaching a time where the sun could possibly start to show its face. There was no talk of going home together, it wouldn’t have felt right, we were thinking long term at this point.

The next few days consisted of lots of texting each other. Then he asked me to come to his band’s show coming up on the weekend. I was beyond excited to be there. If you’re going to date the cliche musician, you have to be the cliche girl in the audience thinking he’s singing to you because you went on one date. He got me two tickets, and I asked a girlfriend to join me. The day before the show he asks me if I want to drive with him down to San Diego to see a friend of his the day after the show. Wow. This was huge. Not only am I going to see him perform, but now we have a roadtrip planned for the next day?! What the hell are we going to talk about for three hours in a car? What if I have to pee and I’m too embarrassed to say anything so I just sit there suffering silently? No, this would be good. Shit, he really likes me. I like him, right? Yes, I really like him. We like each other. I’m excited.

So, it’s the night of the show. He texts to make sure I’ve gotten in okay and that he’ll find me as soon as its over. The show starts. I keep looking at my girlfriend going, “He’s great, right??… Aren’t they awesome??… Do you think he’s cute??…”. She was lucky it was loud in there because all she had to do was keep nodding her head and smiling at me. Looking back now, I realize that she was bored out of her mind, not impressed, and just being a supportive friend. So, the show ends and we wait in the designated area we had decided on. Eventually I see him come out from back stage and make his way through the crowd. He obviously has to stop and say his hello’s, and I did notice there were more than a couple girls who seemed to be getting long hugs from him, but hey, my man has groupies, I get it. I’m the one he’s leaving with. Finally he makes his way to us. But then he leaves again to say hi to some girls. I’m now getting a little embarrassed in front of my friend. We probably waited twenty minutes if not more. So he finds us again and immediately says to me, “Wow that chick over there just handed me her hotel room key and her phone number”. I didn’t know what to say to that.. “Ha, that’s crazy..”. Awkward silence. Now, I’m starting to feel like I’m getting in the way of him banging this slut who gave him her room key. He kept looking back at her. It wasn’t making sense. I mean, I’m only here because he asked me to be, it’s not like I’m some crazy chick who just showed up unannounced to ruin his night. What the fuck. We stand there not really knowing what to say, so I break the silence, “Cool, so what are you thinking you wanna do tonight…?”. He says, “Well, I have to unload the set with the guys and it could take a bit. Are you cool to wait?”. I didn’t want to wait, and I had blown off a friends birthday dinner to gaze at my cliche musicians genius performance. “Ya know what, I have a friends birthday party that I wanted to stop by at, so why don’t I go there and you text me when your finished and we can go get a drink?”. He seemed pleased with that and that was the plan.

So, we left and went to the dinner party. When I was there he texted me some apologies for taking so long and me having to leave. Finally, he says he’s finished and I can come back to get him. Obviously, I drop everything and make my friend rush over there. She was driving, my car was at home so she was going to drop me with him and we would get in his car. When I get there he doesn’t even look happy to see me. He looks annoyed. I’m so confused. I’m not forcing myself on him, he asked me to come back! We walk to his car and he tells me he’s starving. Okay, fair enough, when I’m hungry I am homicidal, I get it. When we’re in the car he says he remembers me saying I have a weakness for guys in glasses and he pulls a pair out and puts them on. I tell him he looks really cute in them so he keeps them on. Okay, we’re getting back to normal? That was a sweet moment. We decide on a place to get a bite. We’re sitting at the table eating french fries or whatever and the vibe is so off. It feels like a bad first date. We can’t get a conversation going and there are long, unattended silences where he looks at his phone a lot just out of boredom. Now I’m starting to feel insecure. Why does he hate me all of a sudden. I’m second guessing my outfit, my hair, my face! What did I do wrong?! We finish eating and he’s driving me home. Out of nowhere he says to me, “So you’re close with your sister?”. (Now I have a few sisters, but one specifically who he shares friends in common with and we had made reference to her on our first date. For the purpose of the story its also important to know that she is unnaturally hot. Like beyond. She’s everyone’s type. She’s also cool as shit) I think about his question for a moment, “yeah, we’re really close. Like best friends”. He seems surprised to hear that for some reason. “Really?” “Yeah, we’re really close, she’s the best, why?” “I don’t know, I just think that’s cool that you can be close with her, it’s cool that you’re friends with her, I wouldn’t think you would be”. I was in shock. Was he implying that he can’t imagine I could be friends with my sister because she is so beautiful?!?! Which in turn means he’s saying that HE thinks she’s so beautiful and I’m like this lucky to get a date little sis?! WHAT THE FUCK! I didn’t even know how to respond. I was scared to ask the words out loud because I didn’t want to have to hear him say it. I sat there in silence.

We pulled into my driveway. He just sat there not moving. I was feeling so self conscious now, I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly I felt like I was the biggest loser on the planet and he was the most amazing catch on this earth and I had just fucked it up. It’s okay though, he was going to come inside my place and we would relax and make out and go on our road trip tomorrow and it would all be okay. But he was just sitting there. I fell apart. “Well…aren’t you coming inside?”. “Nah, I’m tired, I think I’m gonna go home”. Oh. My God. What is happening? I said, “Okay, I’m not really good at this stuff… I get really nervous at the goodnight stuff… I don’t know how to make the first move… I’m bad at this.” Now, in the past, this little neurotic rant goes over very well with guys. I make it cute and innocent, like okay this is where I’m the girl and you have to take over because I’ll start giggling if you don’t. They eat it up. Well, not this guy. He saw something else in this moment that he thought appropriate to mention. He said, “Why do you think you’re so insecure?”. WHOA. Way to come out with the big guns. I panicked. How do I respond to that? Is it a rhetorical question? I said, “Well, I mean are you gonna kiss me? You’re just sitting there”. He sat there calmly and said, “I have my own way of doing things. So, do you know why you are so insecure? Where does that come from? Is it stuff with your sister?” I was now so offended and shocked I didn’t know how to breathe. Were we having a therapy session now? I mean, did he really want me to answer these questions? Could he be any more condescending? “umm.. I don’t know…I just didn’t know how to act and you’re being weird and..” “I’m not being weird. If you want to kiss, then give me a kiss”. All I wanted to do was bolt out of the car. I can’t remember a time I felt so cornered. I tried to relax and lean in for a kiss even though it felt wrong. I had been knocked down to nothing. Everything I did seemed to ignite a negative response. And somehow it never occurred to me to be pointing the finger at him. He had me really believing that I was a total mess. I was apparently painfully insecure, a real gem for sharing this planet with my beautiful sister, keeping him from the girl with the hotel room, and refusing to go away. He kissed me back, but the magic was gone. I was on the verge of tears and he looked like a sadist, enjoying my suffering. I kept wanting to say something that could bring us back to normal. I wanted to fix this and say, you have me all wrong! But the more I tried to explain myself, the crazier I sounded. I finally got out of the car and went inside.

Needless to say he texted me the next day with an excuse as to why we couldn’t go on our romantic road trip anymore. The excuse is so ridiculous that its actually painful for me to write it. He “got stuck dog sitting for my friend and can’t get out of it, and can’t leave the dog alone because its a very finicky dog, and my friend will be gone all day AND night”.

This was certainly a new low for me.

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