I have to be honest, writing that story was exhausting for me. As I wrote it, new things emerged from the conversations that I had forgotten. As I typed the words that described the situation and was able to look at it from an outsider’s point of view I just wanted to strangle myself and wake her up so she could see what was happening to her and how she was acting. How quickly we go from feeling so strong and in control, to letting someone pummel us into thinking we are the biggest loser who is saying and doing everything wrong. Now, being myself today and watching those scenes in my head, I want to yell at myself in that car, “What are you DOING?! Tell him to fuck off and delete his number! He is an asshole and you are so much better than him and pretty soon wont even remember who he is!” But there was something about him pushing my buttons, and acting uninterested, and casting me as this pathetic girl that instantly made me feel like one. When he told me how insecure I was, it made me feel insecure. Is this was negging is?? You know, there’s that book called The Game that gives guys tips on how to slightly insult a girl so as to take her confidence away and suddenly she feels the need to win their approval. Well, I was definitely negged, and it definitely worked. What an idiot.

Of course now I see it all perfectly. I wouldn’t stand for that shit for five minutes today. I don’t remember one interesting thing the guy said to me. The name dropping?! Bragging about getting a girl’s hotel key?! That smug look on his face when he watched me crumble in front of him?! How did I ignore all of that? I’m not perfect by any means, but I’d put money on the fact that not one of my ex boyfriends would call me crazy. And this dude is walking around with a star next to my name in his mind as the crazy chick.

Well, I got over him really easily, even though I couldn’t shake the awful experience. Actually that night when I went to my friend’s birthday, there was a guy there who had noticed me and taken a liking, unbeknownst to me. He pursued me for days after the party and I finally relented even though I figured If I hadn’t noticed him, there was probably a reason for that. Turns out he was a billionaire prince who lived in Paris and we ended up dating for six months. I got to see Paris in the fall and what first class international looks like. And it looks good. Everything happens for a reason.

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