I can’t date someone who litters. I can’t even know someone who litters. I feel like it defines who you are as much as if you had a criminal record. It’s basically just as bad. Call me judgmental, but I’m judging you.

I’m speaking from experience, I had a boyfriend who littered. I thought he was the most lovable person on this earth, and then one day we’re driving and he literally just chucked a paper bag of trash out the window. I was shocked. Obviously I made him turn around and go pick it up. Just to make a point. Just to show him how serious I was. He didn’t get it. “Who cares, it’s no big deal. There are people who’s job it is to pick that up. Do you want to hurt the economy by getting rid of those jobs?”. I would come to realize soon that these kinds of irrational arguments would become a daily routine.

So I did the only thing that girls know how to do when our boyfriend is doing something that we don’t approve of. I gave him an ultimatum. And he chose to stop littering. Every time he finished a coffee or a bagel I could see him struggle, he just wanted to throw it on the ground so badly. I couldn’t relate. My mom always had two very strict rules when it came to picking up after ourselves. 1- When you finish trying on clothes in a store, hang them back up in the dressing room. Do not leave them all over the floor. 2- When you leave a movie theater, pick up your popcorn bag and candy wrapper and throw them away. Don’t leave them for someone else to deal with. She was very adamant that your mess is yours to clean up. And it has stayed with me my whole life. Now I expect it from my partner.

I should have known what the littering would lead to in that relationship. It was all about him all the time. He assumed everyone was there just to witness him and all the plans he had made. But I loved him unconditionally. And I’m glad I did. You can’t regret loving someone, you can regret tolerating them for so long maybe.

But I’m pretty sure he stopped littering after me.

The point is, there’s no room for a litterbug in my pants.