I was raised being told not to judge people. Now that I’ve grown into a fantastic adult with great hair and my very own brain, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say its bad advice. Obviously there should be a happy medium; judge a little, let a little go. It is true that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, sure, but that doesn’t mean we should ignore the blaring red flags in front of us when they present themselves. We notice something’s off, something seems weird, but we keep saying to ourselves, “don’t judge, don’t judge..”. Well you may not like it, it may go against your inner moral compass, but I’m thinking sometimes you just need to be a big fat judger.

When I tell people that I dated some idiot in the past and they roll their eyes, I totally get it. They’re judging me, and they should. I clearly made a bad judgment call and I should absolutely have to explain myself when it comes up. Because if there is some self obsessed, attention whoring, not too bright Chaz in my past, and I held his hand and called him my own, then I obviously have an issue you should be aware of. And if I’m talking about other people more than I’m talking about things I want to do with my life, you should definitely take that into consideration when planning your life with me. Every decision I make has a reason behind it whether I’m conscious of it or not, and that means all of yours do to. They say where there is smoke there is fire. That means, pay attention to the signs and they’ll let you know what’s ahead. There have to be repercussions for your actions. Sometimes when you make enough bad decisions, and you’ve burned every bridge, your options become limited. Not everyone is going to think its cute that you waited so long to act like a grown up, or choose someone worthy to be your partner, or build friendships with solid people. So when someone great comes along and they don’t want you because of your past choices, you really can’t blame them. I had one boyfriend’s mom judge me because she said I came from a broken home in Los Angeles, I wasn’t catholic, and she didn’t think I had a strong sense of how to build a proper family. Well I had a lot to offer that particular guy, but she was right; I wouldn’t know a solid marriage if it slapped me in the face. I know more people who have broken vows than have kept them. And if she wanted her son to be with a girl who would let God clean up the messes and who promised to never turn to divorce, I wasn’t the girl for him. Or for her I guess.

How many times do we find ourselves in situations where we beat ourselves up for not paying attention earlier to all the signs. He’s three months sober, but I don’t want to judge. Everyone she hangs out with are idiots, but I don’t want to judge. He has lightening bolts tattooed on his forearm, but I don’t want to judge. She wears high heels to breakfast, but I don’t want to judge.

If Sandra had judged Jesse a little more, do you think she would have found herself in that mess? I don’t think so.

So if you’re a guy who I might date, these are some of the things I will judge you for.

More than one of your ex girlfriends has fake boobs

You don’t like kids

You can’t remember how many times you’ve been to a strip club

You know which clubs are good on which nights

You have Perez Hilton bookmarked on your browser

You think Tiger Woods seems like “a fun guy to party with”

You use the word “party” as a verb

You think Toby Keith makes some good points

The last book you read was Maxim

You don’t think I’m attractive (are you blind?)

You drive a convertible

You auditioned to be on The Real World

You refuse to eat vegetables

You litter

You prefer blondes (I’m blonde, but that just feels shallow)

You prefer skinny (I’m skinny, but that just feels immature)

You’re a PC

You call your mom a bitch

You voted for Bush (the second time)

You talk about Coachella ALL YEAR LONG

You try to get me to watch “The Wire” every day

Your facebook profile picture has you with a drink in your hand and your lips pursed

You wear a leather wrist band

There will be times you will be wrong. That’s life. But don’t ignore things just on the basis that you don’t want to be judgmental. I am the life that I live and how I present myself. You have every right to judge me for it. There may be times you judge too harshly, but its up to me to prove you wrong.

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