Valentines Day can bring out the worst in us. Its important to be strong and remind yourself that whatever you do today out of loneliness is something you will have to live with tomorrow, so pull yourself together. Here are a few tips on things that you shouldn’t do today. In the short they may seem like good ideas, but in the long run they will add to the factors that have you asking your doctor for a Lexapro prescription.

Today you vow to NOT:

-Text your crush saying, “Did u send me these flowers?!” so they think you got flowers and think there is competition for you. Both of which are untrue.

-Find old emails from your ex saying how much they love you and post it online so that they DEFINITELY get into a fight with their current significant other. If you can’t be happy, then they can’t be either.

-Send yourself flowers at work with the card in your own handwriting.

-Watch The Notebook.

-Just don’t open the photo booth application on your Mac. Today isn’t the right day to be taking pictures of yourself while you’re alone.

-Talk to anyone in a relationship. They are all happier than you today.

-I take that back. Talk to the girls, they will all complain that their boyfriend/husband is an asshole who didn’t do enough today. That will make you feel better.

-Go to a bookstore and sit with a coffee thinking your soul mate will show up. In real life anyone in a book store today is a loser.

-Listen to Sarah McLaughlin.

-Do listen to John Mayer though. He would definitely sleep with you. No matter who you are. And I feel like it would be good.

-Go to dinner with your girlfriends. You think its going to be a fun night where you laugh throughout the meal and look like a good time to someone across the room. Your pleas for attention are transparent.

-Ask your mom to have dinner with you. She has a husband and when they invite you to come along as the third wheel you will consider taking your own life.

-Look through missed opportunities on Craigs List.

-Write ANY poetry.

-Walk through the card isle at the drug store. You will run into plenty of people there buying last minute cards. They are all having sex tonight.

-Get drunk. Don’t even have a glass of wine. You will finish the bottle. You will cry. You will call someone. Not text them, you will CALL them. You will regret this tomorrow.

-You should go to the gym today. Looking better will get you one step closer to having someone to love you next year.

-Tell everyone how you don’t care about Valentine’s Day. No one believes you.

Don’t worry, it’s almost over. Stick to the list. We are in this together. Best of luck.