Actual iChat conversation with my 12 year old niece. I'm the green flippers.

The hunter has become the hunted. I used to be the youngest person in every room. I used to say my age and people would gasp, “Oh, you’re just a baaaaaby!”. Now they just go, “Twenty eight. Things will get easier when you turn thirty”. Like they just assume I’m lost and confused and looking for guidance. I totally am by the way. Obviously. But mind your own business, people have said I look twenty three. People have said I look like Taylor Swift and she’s like nineteen! But someone also recently said I look like Nicole Kidman and she’s like sixty and has completely ruined her face, so that was a rough day.

The point is, what the hell are these tweens talking about?! How did I go so quickly from the runner to the run down? I don’t appreciate having eyes rolled at me because I don’t know the lyrics to Selena Gomez’s new song. That is something I do to YOU! Recently I was at a a super hip and fresh surf shop in hollywood and this cute guy was standing near me. He found an excuse to talk to me and I took one look at him and thought, yeah, I’m down with this. We made small talk blah blah blah, we inched closer to each other, and pulled out our best flirty moves. I mentioned I was from LA, and he said, “no way, me too”. He said he went to Malibu High, and I said, “no way, me too”. I said, “well what year did you graduate?” He said, “2009”. I almost threw up. If I had been drinking anything, I would have spit it at him. Was this a joke?! How was it possible that I had been looking at this guy thinking that we look the SAME age and he was nineteen years old?! I didn’t tell him what year I graduated because I didn’t want to upset him.

Let me clear, I’m not stressed about my age. I don’t lie about it, I don’t fuck with my face to slow it down, I don’t resist it, I don’t cry when it’s my birthday. I’m just genuinely shocked by it. I just go back and forth between thinking I’m seventeen and twenty three. People ask me if I’m married instead of if I have a boyfriend. They ask me when I’m going to have a baby, and I’m like, wait a sec, do I need to be thinking about that? I’m only seventeen!!

I feel like there is going to be a part 2 to this entry. I just feel like I’m going to have more to say on the subject.