I’m pretty sure in our parents’ generation, guys weren’t telling a girl to roll down the car window because he just farted and is trying to spare her from gagging. They just held it in like a gentleman. And in return we didn’t roll our eyes at them in front of our friends all the time. It was a fair trade. We respected the barrier between things we do in front of our same sex friends and then in front of our significant others. I really don’t know what you’re supposed to do when you’re gay, but I know it like wasn’t an issue back then because your love was a secret, so everything was just really stressful.

I’m just kind of confused when a guy that I’m in the early stages of dating with, would want to gross me out by blowing a burp in my face, or talking about the different foods that make him fart. Like even saying that word makes me uncomfortable.

Our attraction to someone is very delicate. It’s so temperamental in the beginning. After three years with someone they can break out in a body rash and throw up into their hands and your love is strong enough to see past it. But on a first date the person can accidentally leave salad dressing on the ends of their mouth for twenty minutes and it makes you want to murder them and move to Cambodia to flee the law and it would still all feel justified and necessary. So, why would you want to play around with something so fickle? Once your attraction is interrupted its really hard to come back to the other side. It’s not impossible, but its REALLY hard. And I know its not fair. We are only doing things that every other human does, we are only doing things that our mom would think is cute, or our bestie would laugh at and never think of again. But everything is different when you’re considering humping that person.

Once you’re in a relationship with someone you know tons of things about them and so this stuff feels little, because it pales in comparison to the rest, but in the beginning you only know like four things about the person. Never ever EVER ask or answer the question on a date, “What would you say is your worst quality or biggest vice?”. Are you insane? If the guy innocently says, “hmm.. well I guess I can be a little controlling..” you’re both fucked. All you know about him right now is that he’s pretty cute, he’s a graphic designer, he has two brothers, and he punches his girlfriends in the face when they talk back. The relationship is over before it started.

Don’t try to gross people out. Even if the person you’re having sex with says they don’t care. I dated a guy a while ago who was perfectly nice and a great boyfriend, and it all came crashing down when he stood naked in front of me, lifted his leg, farted, and laughed. That is the only image I have of him in my mind. Forever.

Advertisements