I wrote a post listing some chicks I’m not happy for and I have another one to add to the list.

I’m not sure who Jessica Alba thinks she’s fooling, but this is not what a body looks like after you’ve pushed two normal sized children out, in the last four years. I’d officially like to start the rumor that she paid her house keeper to carry her children.

This type of body is reserved for Victoria Secret robots and the reason why I’m not jealous of any of them is because when they open their mouths to try speaking English it sounds like they’re coming off of a big dose of Anesthesia. None of the vowels work, and the more they talk the better I look next to them. 

That being said, Jessica has a normal voice. And I’m pretty sure she speaks Spanish also.  I speak only English, and no matter how many spray tans I ever polluted my body with, I could never have that olive skin she flaunts in my face.

I’d bet your first born this chick never went through an awkward phase in her teen years. (I’d never bet MY first born on anything, I’m not a maniac)

Fuck this shit.

Down with Alba.