Sometimes bitches just take up all the good things that could potentially happen to the rest of us. Sure, life isn’t fair blah blah, but that doesn’t mean I have to support your perfect life. Publicly I will pretend to have your back and wish you all the best, but privately I will design a digital voodoo doll with your face on it.

So, with that being said these are some people I’m NOT happy for:

Selena Gomez
Justin Bieber loves you. He rented out the staples center for you. Really? Like, that’s a real thing. Okay. Wish you the best. Not.

Eva Mendes
Back off my man, chick. Ryan Gosling was in the same restaurant as me once and while he didn’t seem to notice me, I know that we will look back and tell our children that was the first time we saw each other.

Kate Middleton
Do you know how many girls in LA have license plates that say, “Daddy Bought it, Princess Got It”? You took their dream from them.

Leanne Rimes
I’m not even being sarcastic. I just genuinely find you annoying.

Petra Ecclestone
Send me your money and I’ll pay you back. Thanks, you’re the best.

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